I think I won the penis lottery.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
