Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
two words...techno handjob
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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