As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
