cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i would punch a child for taco bell
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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