put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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