Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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