IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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