turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
