Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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