just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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