hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
