Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
