Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
