i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
