Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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