Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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