aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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