So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
