if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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