just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
