vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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