If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How does it feel to date your dad?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
