Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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