she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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