puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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