no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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