My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
