Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
