i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
