Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
