Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
