Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
