I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm eating all of the evidence.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
