Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
