I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Apparently you make a good broom.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
