Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
