Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
