no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
