Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
