I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
