So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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