david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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