I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
