I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
