just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
