Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
