Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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