he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
