I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
