my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
