You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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