your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
