i was born a porn star she said
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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