Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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