ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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