Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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