I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
